Wednesday, November 20, 2013

The Hard Eucharisteo

The "hard eucharisteo" (thanksgiving) - the ugly-beautiful, as Ann Voskamp calls it.  Giving thanks, even when things are hard or seemingly impossible.  "The hard discipline to give thanks for all things at all times because He is all good.  The hard discipline to number the griefs as grace because as the surgeon would cut open my son's finger to heal him, so God chooses to cut into my ungrateful heart to make me whole." (from One Thousand Gifts)

Giving thanks because I know that God can transfigure or redeem all!  Giving thanks because I know God is all good. 

But what to do until the ugly turns into the beautiful?  What to do until I see God's hand move?

"Wait," says the Lord. "Wait."  And the waiting is so hard. 

I want to see this thing transfigured NOW. 
I want resolution NOW. 
I want reconciliation NOW.

But in the waiting, God is working!  God is working in my heart.  God wastes nothing; least of all, time.  He is always at work.  My heart - again -  needs work!  My heart doesn't want to thank God for this - this can't be His will - - - can it? 

I'm angry, hurt and want to run!  Where, where do I run?  In my head, I know the only safe place is to run to God, but, but, but.....!

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe."
Proverbs 18:10

God allows me glimpses of how He can use this.  How He can turn this into the beautiful, but I have to trust.  I can not change another's heart, I can only allow God to deal with mine.  Aaah, but that is the hard part!  I can't trust another's heart.  I can only trust God in them; trust Him to work in their heart as He works in mine.  Trusting is hard.

"Can it be that, that which seems to oppose the will of God actually is used of Him to accomplish the will of God?"  (One Thousand Gifts - Ann Voskamp)

"See that I am God. 
See that I am in everything. 
See that I do everything. 
See that I have never stopped ordering my works, nor ever shall, eternally. 
See that I lead everything on to the conclusion I ordained for it before time began, by the same power, wisdom and love with which I made it. 
How can anything be amiss?" 
(Revelations of Divine Love - Julian of Norwich)

The question - Do I believe God is good?  Do I believe God is always good?  YES, YES, a thousand times YES!  So, I, too, believe God is working in this - this "hard eucharisteo" even when I can't see it.  He will accomplish His purposes in and through it.

Again, I say, YES, I trust you, Lord.  When it seems impossible; when it seems that no good could come from this, when my heart is ugly in it - YES, I trust you!

When the only thing I am sure of is -

God is always good and I am always loved!
that will be enough.  Because God is always enough!
"He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still."
Psalm 107:29

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