Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Living Single in a Couples World

For a little over 30 years, I was part of a "couple."  I have now been "single" for almost 10 years.
I had what I would call a really good marriage - not perfect - but really good.  I had a very thoughtful, selfless husband who was very considerate and cared for me in every way.  When he died, I not only lost the most important person in my world, but I lost my status as "one part of two."  I think, along with the journey of grief, I suffered an identity crisis.  I had to find my way in the world again as "just one."  I had to find who I was without him.

I have written before that I absolutely love Valentine's Day, and I do.  I use it as an opportunity to spread the love of God to those around me.  I love the hearts and the pretty red and white decorations and everything else that goes with the holiday.  But, let's face it, Valentine's Day is hard on a "single."  We have no "significant other" to love up on us, buy us chocolates or flowers, send us a card or take us to dinner.

Please hear me right - I'm not feeling sorry for myself and I'm not seeking your pity. 
It simply is what it is.
What I do want to say is - I have learned over the years that
It's OK to be single. 
It's OK to be one. 
It's OK to be alone.
And just because I'm alone doesn't necessarily mean I am lonely.  Sometimes, I am, but for the most part, I'm not.
Being alone does not mean I am rejected.
Being alone does not mean I am not loved.
Being alone does not mean I am undesirable.
Being alone simply means this is the portion God has given me for this time in my life.
I want to say to all you out there who are single - for whatever reason - this is God's plan for your life right now, right this moment - maybe not forever, but for right now.
Many times in the past, even when I was married, I would have occasion to counsel a single woman who desperately wanted to be married.  One of the things I would always say is - "No man is better than the wrong man.  You could get married for all the wrong reasons and end up more miserable than you were before!!"
Some women want to be married because they think it will solve all their problems. 
Some women want to be married because they are tired of being alone.
Some women want to be married because all their friends are and they want to be part of a couple, too. 
Some women want to be married because they want to be loved and desired.
Whatever your reason, it's the wrong one unless it's for this reason:
Because it's in God's plan for your life right now.
I had no clue when I married my husband that I would end up a widow at the age of 54.  I planned on spending the rest of my life with him, growing old together, enjoying retirement and the grandkids.  But God had other plans.
It's taken me awhile to embrace my singleness.  But I have to tell you, right now, in this present moment, I am enjoying it.
The Lord has become my husband!

"Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more.  For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called."
Isaiah 54:4, 5
One of the things I missed the most about not being married was not being #1 in someone else's life.  I missed being desired and loved.
Without sounding too cliche, I would like to say that I now know in ways I never did before that I am #1 with the Lord.  He does desire me and love me.  His thoughts are always for me.
Being single is an opportunity to really get to know the Lord.  As a single person, you have the time and opportunity to be more in the Word and prayer.
"An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.  But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world - how she can please her husband."
I Corinthians 7:34 NIV
"A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives  But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.  In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is - and I think that I too have the Spirit of God."
I Corinthians 7:39, 40 NIV
While my husband was alive, my thoughts were to please him.  Now my thoughts are to please the Lord.  It's the portion He has allotted me at this time in my life.
Regardless of why you are single - divorced, widowed, always been single, whatever - seek to be content right where you are - right where God has you.
"Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content."
Philippians 4:11
Don't give in to the pressures and lies of the world that tell you you're nothing if you're not part of a couple.  Seek to be secure in His love.  As you grow secure in Him, you will be secure in your portion and your position.
HE is your portion!

No comments:

Post a Comment