This Day Is A Gift

"This is the day the Lord has made.  I will rejoice and be glad in it."

Just got back from a quick trip to the Post Office which I should have done yesterday, but forgot.  As I drove home, the sun came out and reflected off the leaves wet from last night's rain.  It's still so beautiful here in Vermont.  The colors in my local area are still vibrant and they glisten in the early morning sun.

As I drove home, I thought about the things I needed to do today, places to go.

make croutons

make phone calls

visit Dad at the nursing home

make deposit at bank

go to the grocery store 

etc, etc. 

All was good until I thought about where I have to go tonight.  I really do not want to go.  It's one of those social situations I feel most awkward in because I am not part of a couple.  I really would rather just stay home.  But I've promised and before the Lord, I cannot break that commitment, so I will go, but "Lord," I softly pray, "change my heart regarding this.  Help me to see this as a blessing.  You know how this invitation came about and you engineered this from the beginning, so I believe you have purpose in it.  Help me to be open to that, Lord.  I surrender it to you."

Then I remember - each day is a gift, given to me by God, to open and do with as I choose.  When I give somebody a gift, I want and hope that they will - open it, be surprised by it and love it.  I also hope that they see the love that has gone into preparing it for them.  Beyond that, I have no control.  They can do what they want with it at that point. 

I see that God has given me this day as a gift.  He wants me to - open it, be surprised by it and embrace it.  He wants me to see the love that has gone into His preparation of this gift for me.  Now, what I do with it, is up to me.  Do I receive it as a gift from Him and cherish every minute of it or do I rail against all that He has prepared for me in this day?  Hands open to receive or hands closed to decline?

THIS is the day the Lord has made.  I WILL rejoice and be glad in it.  Thank you, Lord, for the choice.  Thank you for this day.  Thank you for the seemingly hard thing you've asked me to do this day.  I CHOOSE to rejoice in this, knowing you have chosen it for me.

I am ready now to meet this day head on and am even excited to see what God unfolds through this day, and yes, even this evening, for -

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning."  James 1:17

 

 

 

Rejoice in the gift of this day!  Rejoice in HIM!

 

Embrace the Seasons of Life

"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:"  Ecclesiastes 3:1

I set out on my walk today somewhat reluctantly. I hadn’t been on a walk for over a week and wasn’t really sure I wanted to do one today. But as I walked I started to revel in the moment. The wind was blowing hard from the south and really messing up my hair. I love the wind!! As I began to put myself in the moment, I started thinking about the fall season - what is it about fall that makes me feel so alive?? Then I progressed to thinking about seasons - fall - winter - spring - summer - and I remembered a candle holder that a dear friend gave me many years ago. It says “Every new season brings its own special blessings.” I’ve thought of that candle holder many times over the years and it’s caused me to reflect on the seasons of my life.

The season of youth, the season of falling in love, the season of married life, the season of babies, toddlers, adolescents, teenagers, the season of empty nest, the season of widowhood, the season of retirement and I’m sure there were others and still more to come.

 

Every season does have its own special blessings if we will open our heart to receive them. We mourn the season past while holding hand open to accept the season to come.

As I was walking down the road, the wind was at my back and I thought - some seasons of life are like that. The wind is at your back, blue skies above, smooth sailing ahead, God is on His throne in heaven and all is right with the world. But as I turned around to head back home, the wind was blowing hard against me and I thought, yes, some seasons are like that, too. Sometimes it takes so much effort just to take the next step, sometimes you don't even know what the next step is but it feels like everything is pushing against you and you just don’t know how you will make it. But, you know what?  God is still on His throne during this season, too. And His love is always reaching out to us, through all the seasons of our lives.

We, most of the time, do not know the path our journey will take us on when we embark on a new season in our life. Sometimes the road looks straight ahead and we know where we are headed, and sometimes there is a curve in the road and we can’t see beyond that and we have no idea what’s ahead. Sometimes we can't even see the road!!  But this we do know, wherever that road takes us, God is with us as we walk it.

Whatever road you are on, in whatever season you are in, remember this, God IS on His throne, all IS right in His world and He has promised from His word -

"...for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee."  Hebrews 13:5b

Embrace this season you are in - embrace it with all that’s in you and receive with hands and arms wide open, all God wants to give you in this very special season of your life.  EMBRACE IT - don't try to walk out of it, don't try to walk around it, don't try to avoid it.  God has so many special blessings for you right now, right here, in this season of your life!  It's no mistake or accident that you are where you are.  Take that first step and persevere to walk down the road He has chosen for you in this season He has chosen for you.

I would love to hear from you.  Would love to hear what season you are in and what the Lord is doing in your life during this season.  There is a space below to send me your comments.  God bless you!








 

Just Love Me

"What am I going to do with you?" he laughed.  And I would always respond, "Just love me!" 

Wow!  Where did that memory come from?  I was working on my Bible Study and adding to my list of gifts.  The key for the day was "gifts said".  As I thought of things that had been said to me, this one came to the surface.  It kind of stopped me and made me think.  Phil would always ask me that question whenever I had done something especially funny, quirky or even stupid and I would always reply the same way.  And love me, he did!  But today those words - "just love me" resounded in my spirit and I thought, isn't that what we all want?  Just to be loved.  To be loved through all our quirkiness, stupidity, difficultness, etc.  We just want someone to love us - just for who we are!

Every time I see a heart stone, I feel it is God saying to me, "I love you, Donna", and my heart feels full at that moment.  As I go through my day, sometimes I lose sight of the fact that He loves me through all the moments of my day, even when I feel and even act very unlovable.

His love is revealed to us in so many ways.  Ways that we sometimes are too busy to see or recognize.  It's in the smile of the man who holds the door open for you at the post office.  It's in the green light that is there when you are in a hurry.  It's in the sunrise of every morning.  It's in the beauty of His creation.  It's written in His Word for you to read as His personal love letter to you!  It's even in the rain that falls steady outside your window.

It's given to you every day in so many different ways.  Take time today to look for His love expressed to you!  Receive that love with hands wide open to all that means for you.  You are loved!!  You are loved!!  You are loved!!

"Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with loving kindness have I drawn thee."  Jeremiah 31:3

The Gift of Peace

"Memories - pressed between the pages of my mind.  Memories - sweetened through the ages just like wine."  I thought of that song today as I drove the familiar roads to the Sheldon Cemetery.  I had been wanting to get there ever since May, but then, I allowed myself to admit, I didn't really.  So many memories flooded my mind as I drove.  I remembered the very first time I traveled to Enosburg with Phil in his 1967 Mustang to meet his parents.  I reflected on all the other many, many times we made this trip over the years of our married life.  I had always loved the drive and I did today, too, but I was filled with a sadness I hadn't felt in awhile.  The journey of grief takes you on all kinds of dips, curves and turns and it is most unpredictable.  I can't believe it's been 9 years since Phil died and over a year since I visited his gravesite.  You would think after 9 years I would be okay.  Most times now, my memories bring me such comfort and joy, remembering Phil's zany side and how well he loved us - the girls and I.  I was surprised at my emotion today.  When I saw the gravestone, something broke inside of me and I cried - the first time ever crying right there at the grave.  It poured from somewhere deep inside me.  I cried for him, I cried for me, I cried because the gravestone was dirty and that felt like such a desecration.

 

But then as the tears subsided, I felt again God's peace.  This cemetery is so beautiful, with such a beautiful view; a real pastoral setting.  God's peace has been such a gift to me over the past 9 years.  The peace that passes all understanding - it really does.  I didn't feel any real words of comfort, any words of revelation, just a profound sense of peace.  And for today, that is enough.  Enough to know that, in the words of author Ann Voskamp, "God is always good and I am always loved." I thank God for His gift of peace.

It is such a paradox that life is full of death.  And yet we don't accept it as part of life.  Why is that, do you suppose?  According to God's Word, man was never born to die, but to live in Eden tending all God created.  God cried with me today.  He felt my grieving heart and He grieved with me.  I truly believe that.  That is what turns my "mourning into dancing"; to joy.  I thank God for His gifts of grace and mercy and my heart again is filled with joy and thanksgiving.  Thanks that I was given 33+ years with this man; thanks for all he was to me and I was to him while he sojourned here on earth.

 

As I drove into the cemetery, I was awed by this tree that had apparently either been struck by lightning or been felled by strong winds.  "Broken" was the word I heard in my spirit as I stared at it.  As I left the cemetery, I took a picture of it and again, I gave thanks to God - that even though I, too, had been "broken" at the moment of Phil's death, the astonishing fact was that I wasn't "broken" anymore.  The Healer touched my broken heart and made me whole again in Him.  Put back together - with scars, yes - but wholly together to live to praise Him, thank Him and delight in Him again! 

 

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good.  His mercy endures forever." 

What do you give Him thanks for today? 

 

 

 

 

 

 





 

 

God's Incredible, Amazing Grace

The bathing suits and sunscreen are put away.  The leaves are putting on their annual colorful show, everybody’s apple picking and there is a definite chill in the air.  In Vermont, this all means just one thing – the Fall season has arrived! 

Fall for me is the season that is always so bittersweet.  When I was younger, I always loved the Fall and so looked forward to it.  It meant school was starting again and, call me crazy, but I loved school!  I loved the order and the routine of the days and I loved reading, writing and arithmetic; well, maybe not so much arithmetic.  But I did love school!! 

As an adult, I also loved the Fall season.  I loved the crunch of the leaves under my feet.  I loved the cool, crisp nights that made you want to snuggle under the down comforter.  I loved the freshness in the air and I also loved getting back into the routine after a lazy, crazy summer.  I loved the feeling of having my family all around me in the evening with all the world shut out, like we were in our own little cocoon.

I met my husband in the Fall of the year, but sadly, I also lost my husband in the Fall of the year, thus the bittersweet.  Since that October day when he died 9 years ago, I sometimes find myself floundering this time of year.  Yes, I still love all those things about Fall that I loved before, but now there’s also an underlying sadness, too.  Over the years, however, this sadness has given way to an incredible joy in the gift of life that God has given me.  God has indeed turned my “mourning into joy”.  One of the greatest works that God has done in my heart has been enabling me to give thanks in and for all things.  If I was writing the book of my life, I would certainly have written that Phil and I lived happily ever after, but God is the one with the pen for this book.  What God has done in my heart as a result of my husband’s death is a very precious work.  I am not the person I was.  I see with very different eyes and I treasure life in a way I never did before. 

Sometimes when I am remembering my past with Phil, I think of certain times, days and events and wish I could go back and have a “do-over”.  The thing I would change is to be present in the moment.  So much of our lives are spent planning and preparing for future events, running here and there to get this and that done.  I am learning to treasure the moment, live in the here and now and enjoy each moment as a precious gift from God.  There are so many things we do that really have no eternal value and yet so much of our precious time is spent doing them. 

I want to enjoy the sunrise, savor the breeze on a warm summer day, hear the leaves crunch under my feet and enjoy silliness with my grandchildren.  I want to relish the presence of God I feel at unexpected times during my day.  No matter how many times God blesses me with a heart-shaped stone, I want the sight of the next one to take my breath away, because I hear him saying to me “I love you, Donna”.  I want to live in the wonder of all that he has given me that pertains to life and godliness. 

Do I always succeed at this?  No, I do not.  Sometimes I get caught up in the craziness of life and God has to remind me of what really matters.  I am basically a task-oriented person and I can forget the people around me when I’m focused on the task at hand.  But I desire God to change my heart and gradually I feel things changing.  When I awake each morning I pray that God will help me to be aware of the treasures and gifts that that day holds for me; those things that he has prepared for me; those people he has chosen for me to interact with that day.  I ask him daily to give me a thankful heart, a heart that chooses to believe that God is always good and therefore, all he gives me that day is good and I want to “enter his gates with thanksgiving in my heart”. 

I think anyone who has experienced the death of a loved one appreciates life a lot more having gone through something like that, at least I know I do.  I breathe deeper, I see clearer, I feel more intensely.  I am so thankful that I was loved by a wonderful man for over 33 years and I am so thankful that I know I will see him again.  That promise from God is very precious to me. 

So, even though Fall comes with a sadness for me, it also comes with a new and greater appreciation for life and the love of God in my life, and an appreciation for those people he has placed in my life.  Even in the midst of the sadness, I feel joy – joy in the incredible, amazing grace of God!

 

My Father Loves Me

I found my father today on the floor in his room at the nursing home. I called for the nurse and then we checked to see if he was hurt. They checked him over, called additional staff and then picked him up off the floor and put him into his wheelchair. They took his vitals and I started talking to him.

"Dad," I said, "you can't do that. If you want to get up, you have to call the nurse. You can't get up by yourself."

"Yes, I can," he said.

"No, you can't and the fact that I found you on the floor proves that."

"I only fell because the wheels weren't locked on the wheelchair."

"And, Dad, if you had called for a nurse, she would have checked that for you. You can't do that by yourself, you are not able to."

"YES, I CAN! Don't tell me what I can do!" he hollered. I was stunned.

The only thing preventing me from crying was the nurse that was busy taking his vitals. At that moment, I was a child again and my father was hollering at me because I had done something foolish. His hollering at me had reduced me to mush just as it had when I was younger. I had done something to provoke my father's disapproval.

 I was a mess for quite awhile after that, but I covered that up and brought my father to Bingo. After when I brought him back to his room, he started talking to me, a lot calmer now and admitted that he knew he was older and couldn't trust his body to always do what he wanted it to do. We had a calm discussion and I again tried to emphasize that he needed to call a nurse. Forgotten, by him at least, was his earlier outburst. But not forgotten by me and how it had made me feel.

When I got home, I began to reflect on what that moment had done to me. How it had brought up something so sensitive that had been buried for so long that it reduced me to near tears. How we always long for our father's approval, no matter what our age.

It is hard to see my Dad, age 88, approaching the end of his life and progressively falling deeper and deeper into dementia. He still has lucid moments, but his moments of confusion and agitation are more frequent of late and learning how to deal with them is my current mission in making life easier for him. But, I see there is a part of me still that needs and wants his approval.

And then I think of my Heavenly Father and I know I have His approval. I reflect on how much He loves me and I ask Him to examine that hurt deep inside and heal it as only He can. I am so thankful that I don't have to work for His approval. It's not based on what I do or what I don't do or what I say or how I act. It's unconditional! "Behold, what manner of love the Father has bestowed upon us..." 1 John 3:1 And as He pours out His unconditional love and approval on me, He asks me to love my earthly father with that same kind of love, not responding to his outbursts, knowing that it's not personal at this point in his life; it's the ravages of old age and his frustration with his body - that it won't do what he wants it to do - and I just happened to be there to bear the brunt of his frustration. The love my heavenly Father pours out on me and the grace He extends will be enough for me to enable me to love my earthly father no matter what, for the time he has left here on earth. That is not noble of me; it is what is expected. "For to whom much is given, much is expected." Luke 12:48  How can I not freely give what has been so freely given to me?

There are still so many thoughts going through my mind regarding this and I expect that God will continue to reveal and teach me in the days ahead much more that I need to see and know. For now, I can rest my head on the pillow tonight at peace in my Father's love.

The Struggle of the Flesh

Galatians 6:7-9 says, "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap. For he that sows to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption, but he that sows to the Spirit shall of the Sprit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well-doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."

There is so much to see in these few verses, but I'm going to zero in on just one aspect because it's what I've been struggling with lately. Do you ever have those times when you want what you want when you want it and you want to do things your own way; you want to follow the ways of the flesh? If not, then you can stop reading right now because this won't pertain to you! But if you do, then you can understand my battle. Do you ever just want to stop the world and get off? Do you ever feel that the price of following the Lord is too high? I've struggled with these issues lately. I have felt that God is requiring more of me and I wasn't sure that I wanted to pay the price. Ha! Just writing this shows me how foolish I have been. I think all along I knew I would submit to God's ways, but I had to have my "temper tantrum" just to let him know I wasn't happy about it. Forgive me, Lord, when I think I have a choice; when I think I might know better; when I rail against your perfect will for me.

I had a choice to make or, I think God, in His mercy, let me think I had a choice. I really don't; if I really want to follow the Lord and receive His blessings, and I do, then I have no choice. If He is really Lord of my life, I have no choice. If I really love God and want to continue to pursue Him, I have no choice. But I did have to speak directly to my flesh and make the declaration to that effect. So on Monday of this past week, I wrote in my journal what my choice was and exactly what I was declaring so in the future if I think again that I have a choice, I can go back and read in my journal that I already made that choice. There should be no struggle in the future. Unfortunately, there shouldn't be, but there probably will be because we are here on earth in the flesh and the fleshly nature wants it's own way. But I have proof, in my journal, that I have chosen to follow the Spirit and if I do not grow weary in well-doing, I WILL reap life everlasting. I will reap a harvest of God's blessings in my life and I will reap the greater thing of relationship with Him and knowing that I have chosen to please Him and not my flesh.

May you make that choice, too. His ways are so much higher than ours and the blessing of fellowship with Him is so much richer than anything we could possibly gain by following our flesh. God bless you!