My Father Loves Me

I found my father today on the floor in his room at the nursing home. I called for the nurse and then we checked to see if he was hurt. They checked him over, called additional staff and then picked him up off the floor and put him into his wheelchair. They took his vitals and I started talking to him.

"Dad," I said, "you can't do that. If you want to get up, you have to call the nurse. You can't get up by yourself."

"Yes, I can," he said.

"No, you can't and the fact that I found you on the floor proves that."

"I only fell because the wheels weren't locked on the wheelchair."

"And, Dad, if you had called for a nurse, she would have checked that for you. You can't do that by yourself, you are not able to."

"YES, I CAN! Don't tell me what I can do!" he hollered. I was stunned.

The only thing preventing me from crying was the nurse that was busy taking his vitals. At that moment, I was a child again and my father was hollering at me because I had done something foolish. His hollering at me had reduced me to mush just as it had when I was younger. I had done something to provoke my father's disapproval.

 I was a mess for quite awhile after that, but I covered that up and brought my father to Bingo. After when I brought him back to his room, he started talking to me, a lot calmer now and admitted that he knew he was older and couldn't trust his body to always do what he wanted it to do. We had a calm discussion and I again tried to emphasize that he needed to call a nurse. Forgotten, by him at least, was his earlier outburst. But not forgotten by me and how it had made me feel.

When I got home, I began to reflect on what that moment had done to me. How it had brought up something so sensitive that had been buried for so long that it reduced me to near tears. How we always long for our father's approval, no matter what our age.

It is hard to see my Dad, age 88, approaching the end of his life and progressively falling deeper and deeper into dementia. He still has lucid moments, but his moments of confusion and agitation are more frequent of late and learning how to deal with them is my current mission in making life easier for him. But, I see there is a part of me still that needs and wants his approval.

And then I think of my Heavenly Father and I know I have His approval. I reflect on how much He loves me and I ask Him to examine that hurt deep inside and heal it as only He can. I am so thankful that I don't have to work for His approval. It's not based on what I do or what I don't do or what I say or how I act. It's unconditional! "Behold, what manner of love the Father has bestowed upon us..." 1 John 3:1 And as He pours out His unconditional love and approval on me, He asks me to love my earthly father with that same kind of love, not responding to his outbursts, knowing that it's not personal at this point in his life; it's the ravages of old age and his frustration with his body - that it won't do what he wants it to do - and I just happened to be there to bear the brunt of his frustration. The love my heavenly Father pours out on me and the grace He extends will be enough for me to enable me to love my earthly father no matter what, for the time he has left here on earth. That is not noble of me; it is what is expected. "For to whom much is given, much is expected." Luke 12:48  How can I not freely give what has been so freely given to me?

There are still so many thoughts going through my mind regarding this and I expect that God will continue to reveal and teach me in the days ahead much more that I need to see and know. For now, I can rest my head on the pillow tonight at peace in my Father's love.

The Struggle of the Flesh

Galatians 6:7-9 says, "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap. For he that sows to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption, but he that sows to the Spirit shall of the Sprit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well-doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."

There is so much to see in these few verses, but I'm going to zero in on just one aspect because it's what I've been struggling with lately. Do you ever have those times when you want what you want when you want it and you want to do things your own way; you want to follow the ways of the flesh? If not, then you can stop reading right now because this won't pertain to you! But if you do, then you can understand my battle. Do you ever just want to stop the world and get off? Do you ever feel that the price of following the Lord is too high? I've struggled with these issues lately. I have felt that God is requiring more of me and I wasn't sure that I wanted to pay the price. Ha! Just writing this shows me how foolish I have been. I think all along I knew I would submit to God's ways, but I had to have my "temper tantrum" just to let him know I wasn't happy about it. Forgive me, Lord, when I think I have a choice; when I think I might know better; when I rail against your perfect will for me.

I had a choice to make or, I think God, in His mercy, let me think I had a choice. I really don't; if I really want to follow the Lord and receive His blessings, and I do, then I have no choice. If He is really Lord of my life, I have no choice. If I really love God and want to continue to pursue Him, I have no choice. But I did have to speak directly to my flesh and make the declaration to that effect. So on Monday of this past week, I wrote in my journal what my choice was and exactly what I was declaring so in the future if I think again that I have a choice, I can go back and read in my journal that I already made that choice. There should be no struggle in the future. Unfortunately, there shouldn't be, but there probably will be because we are here on earth in the flesh and the fleshly nature wants it's own way. But I have proof, in my journal, that I have chosen to follow the Spirit and if I do not grow weary in well-doing, I WILL reap life everlasting. I will reap a harvest of God's blessings in my life and I will reap the greater thing of relationship with Him and knowing that I have chosen to please Him and not my flesh.

May you make that choice, too. His ways are so much higher than ours and the blessing of fellowship with Him is so much richer than anything we could possibly gain by following our flesh. God bless you!

Answers to My Cry of Distress

Psalm 18, verse 6 says, "In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even unto his ears."

I don't have room to post the whole of Psalm 18 here, but go and read the entire psalm and be blessed today. Have you ever had times of distress when all you could do was cry out to the Lord? I'm sure you have, as have I. This psalm brings me such comfort because it shows me in very descriptive terms how God answers my cry of distress.

"Then the earth shook and trembled; the foundations also of the hills moved and were shaken, because he was wroth. There went up smoke out of his nostrils, and fire out of his mouth..... The Lord also thundered in the heavens....Yea, he sent out his arrows, and scattered them;.... and he shot out lightnings..."

"He delivered me from my strong enemy..."

All of that response from just one cry!! I don't know about you, but whenever I read this psalm it speaks to me of God's great love for me and I think of how, as a parent, if anyone messes with my kids or grandkids, they might just get that same reaction from me!!! How much more does God care for me, care for you, that when someone messes with you, he moves heaven and earth to come to your rescue!!

"He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me." Do you ever think about how much God delights in you? Some times I just sit and watch my grandchildren and I take such delight in them, just who they are and how their little minds work. Do you think God often watches us and takes delight in us? I know He does because His word says He does.

I love a good thunderstorm. It reminds me of this psalm and I feel like God is warring on my behalf and I feel protected and sheltered, right in the midst of all the thunder and lightning!!

Please take the time today to read Psalm 18 and remember in your days and times ahead, that when you are in distress, cry out to the Lord and KNOW that He hears you and moves on your behalf.

"The Lord liveth; and blessed be my rock and let the God of my salvation be exalted.......Therefore will I give thanks unto thee, O Lord, among the heathen, and sing praises unto they name."

Transformation

Transform/transformed means to be changed in form, appearance, nature or condition. Romans 12:2 tells us "And be ye not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God."

We are all constantly being transformed (changed) by the experiences of life. We may not and in most cases, can not, control what happens to us as we walk this journey here on earth, but we can control how we respond to those happenings. And how we respond to them will determine whether our transformation is for the good or the bad. Romans 12:2 tells us that we should be transformed by the renewing of our mind. We need to allow our minds to be renewed by the Word. We need to view our experiences, tragedies, all of life's situations the way God views them, not as the world does. What the world may see as a bad thing may indeed, in God's hands, be a good thing if it causes us to press into God, to draw closer to Him to allow Him to conform us into the character of His Son. He may even use a tragic situation to reveal Himself to us and we come to know Him as Savior. So, then, can we really call that tragedy a tragedy?

The Word tells us there are things that Satan means for evil, but God uses for good (Genesis 50:20). God is always wanting good for us. When things don't go your way, do you rail against God? Have bitter disappointments in life made you bitter? Or have you become a better person as a result? Most of us would not want to go through those situations again, but we can rejoice at what God has done in and through them. I do not and never will rejoice in my husband's death, but I do rejoice in what God has done in my heart as a result of the devastating pain I felt after He died. That pain pushed me to the brink of myself and in my brokenness, I found the provision of God. The change that God has brought about in my heart as a result fills me with a joy that I had never experienced before because I experienced God in a whole new expanded way.

I encourage you today to view your hardships in life from God's perspective. Run to Him, don't allow your heart to become hardened. Let God soften it; turn it to Him and allow Him to make something beautiful of it. Allow God to change you from the inside out. Your situation may not change, but you will. God will renew your mind and cause you to cry out, as Mary did - "My soul doth magnify the Lord, and my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Savior. For he that is mighty hath done to me great things; and holy is his name." (Luke 1:46,47,49)

Trusting

I have been absent from this blog for a very long time. Most of that time was spent in writing, editing and publishing my book. The book is now finished and I am also officially retired, so I plan to have more time to devote to this blog site and will endeavor to post monthly articles. Thank you for being interested!!

I have recently been pondering Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." This is a very familiar scripture to me and one often quoted in Christian circles. Many a sermon has been preached from this also, I'm sure.

I began to see it in new ways the other day as God was speaking to me. I decided to study some specific words in these two verses. I looked up each of these words in the Hebrew for their meanings. I won't give you the Hebrew word because it's really not necessary for our purposes here. Walk with me through these:

Trust - means to be confident; sure and bold
Heart - involves the feelings, will and intellect
Lean - to rely, to rest in
Understanding - knowledge, wisdom
Ways - course of life; mode of action; journey; manner
Acknowledge - observe, recognition, know, designation, be aware, perceive, understand
Direct - be straight, straight way
Paths - a well trodden road

So, now that we have those meanings, let's look a little closer at this scripture - Donna's version -

Be confident and sure in the Lord with all your feelings, will and intellect and do not rely on or rest in your own knowledge or wisdom. In your course of life, your journey or mode of action, recognize, know, perceive and be aware of Him and He shall make a straight way for you on a well trodden road.

WOW! What this says to me is as I trust in the Lord and don't rely on myself in my journey through this world; as I recognize and acknowledge Him in ALL avenues of my life - good and bad situations - He will continue to direct me on the well trodden road - the road Jesus walked before me. You see, it doesn't matter what happens in our daily lives, the situations we find ourselves facing - whether it be the death of a spouse, the loss of a job, the unexpected pregnancy of an unwed daughter, the flooding of your home or even it's loss - all these things are in His hands. As we acknowledge that - acknowledge His presence and His awareness of it, He will show us how to walk through the situation. He will direct us and lead us. He will comfort us in our distress. He will extend His grace, amazing grace. He will show His mercy on our behalf and most importantly, He will walk with us through it. His word says - He will never leave us or forsake us.

Whatever or wherever you may find yourself today, TRUST HIM. Acknowledge HIM. He is worthy, so worthy to be trusted and fully acknowledged. God bless you!

Receiving & Returning God's Love

I've done a lot of thinking recently about God's love. Because the only thing I have to compare it to is a human relationship, this is my point of reference.

When a man loves a woman, is it enough that he loves her? Can he be satisfied to feel that emotion and not want anything else? NO, when a man loves a woman, he becomes relentless in his pursuit of her. What becomes his greatest desire? To consummate the relationship. He wants his love to be received and returned and he can be satisfied with nothing less.

Well, I believe it is the same with God. It is not enough for Him that He loves us. He, too, is relentless in His pursuit of us. He wants to lavish His love upon us. He wants to bless us with "every good and perfect gift" (James 1:17) And He will not be satisfied until the relationship is consummated; until we fully receive His love and fully love Him in return.

To consummate means "to bring to completion; conclude; to perfect; to complete". To consummate a relationship means to bring to completion and conclusion the pursuing period and to perfect and complete it with the ultimate act of intimacy.

God desires that kind of intimacy with us and that intimacy can only be achieved when we fully receive and fully return His love.

Thus His commandment to us - "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind". (Matthew 22:37) It is for our benefit that we return His love.

An excerpt from the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers -

"She thought she had been saved by his love for her, and in part she had been. It had cleansed her, never casting blame. But that had been only the beginning. It was loving him in return that had brought her up out of the darkness."

As we turn our attention, our emotions and our love upon Him, it drives out all other lovers. As we focus our love upon Him, we are further healed; we are completed and we find the cares of the world fall away. Things take on a more balanced perspective and we find our trust is increased and our love continues to deepen. We are more grateful; less fretful. He becomes our true focus!

Work in my heart, Lord, to love you more and deeper than I do today. Increase in me that I might decrease!

God our Redeemer

The following is an excerpt from a book by Eugenia Price called St. Simons Memoir:

"...in 1884, Anson Greene Phelps Dodge, Jr., had rebuilt Christ Church Frederica in memory of his bride, Ellen, who died on their honeymoon; he then had taken Holy Orders and become its rector." "Wow," I breathed. "What a story!" Then, after a long moment, I said aloud, but almost to myself, "Anson Dodge lived out what I've been writing about for years from all angles I could think of!"
It was true. For years, I had studied and thought and written about the concept that if God is a Redeemer, He must be able to redeem far more than sin. He allows tragedies to happen so He must have a way to redeem them. A way to shine up, to make useful even our heartache and weeping. Surely, if we stay open to His intentions, if we allow it - He will find a way not to waste a single tear.
And here were a few bare facts in a guidebook telling me a story that bore out this concept dramatically. No greater tragedy, it seemed to me, could strike a young man's life than to lose his beloved on their honeymoon. In his grief, he could have fallen into self-pity. He could have become an alcoholic. He could have killed himself. Instead, he had seemingly allowed God to make creative, redemptive use of his tragedy. He had rebuilt Christ Church in his bride's memory and had then given himself to the people of the Island. His grief had not been wasted."

My hope is built on nothing less than this - the fact that God can and does redeem all situations in our lives and works all out for our best and to promote His purposes for us. When my husband died, after my initial disbelief, I remember thinking exactly this way - "OK, God knew from before the foundations of the earth, the number of days Phil would live; He knew when he would be born and when he would die. He also knew that Phil would marry me and that I would be left without Him. Because God knew all this, He knew that I would be alone and He has made provision for me. He has a plan and purpose for my life and my responsibility now is to position myself before Him to find that plan and purpose and fulfill it as best I can." This thought process also led me to the thought that in order for God to do that, He had to redeem this situation in my life. I could not live the rest of my life in debilitating grief. I could not mourn Phil's death for the rest of my life. I will never forget him and if truth be told, if I had a choice, I would reverse what has happened, but I can't, so I need to give my husband the most meaningful gift that any woman could give a man - my total effort at learning how to live creatively without him. And I had to give my God my total effort of trusting that He knows best for me.

The last six years of my life have not always been easy, but God has been more than faithful to me to provide all I need and more. He has been the strength of my heart and my portion. He has sustained me through seasons of grief when I didn't think I was going to make it and He has redeemed all that I have walked through. He has restored my soul and spirit in a way that I wasn't sure was possible.

Whatever you may be walking through today, know that God IS sufficient for you and is able to redeem what seems unredeemable right now. Let Him walk through it with you. Allow Him to take your hand and walk with you. Pour out your heart honestly to Him and trust Him with it.

"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen." Ephesians 3: 20, 21